Tonight was a night I’ll always remember. I got dumped, then sat on the phone with my now-ex boyfriend while he downed a whole bottle of Vodka, and told me he was going to drive to Idaho to go bang his crazy ex if I didn’t want to see him.(If I didn’t fuck him) Well, he was plastered so I took it upon myself to take care of him, of course- even though our lives together had ended, probably for good, just 3 hours earlier when I swallowed my game and told him every-single truth that came to mind as he wept, searching through my e-mail.. But for some reason, not a tear came to my eye. I was completely collected; rare for me. This was the third night in-a-row that he had dumped me, and I was beyond furious, and completely embarrassed about my truths coming out. My heart was being ripped out, again. While he wept, he spoke of suicide, or rotting away in jail, or never loving again. I felt bad he was wanting to throw his whole life away due to me.): I tried to talk him out of it for at least half an hour, maybe a full hour. After that was when the alcohol set-in. He was slurring his words like crazy, thought of all these good ideas, and he really showed me his true-colors. From 2 until about 3:30 his drunk-ass was my entertainment, while I watched the window for my mom since I’m “grounded.” That was when Jarrad told me he was either gonna come fuck me, or go to Idaho to fuck that ugly, crazy, skank, bitch-ex. Jarrad only has his permit, if he got a ticket or a DUI- he’d be toast. But if he got one OUT OF STATE, his ass would be grass. I seduced him in to coming to see me. I was nervous about him driving, scared shitless actually. But, like I mentioned- me or the ex. So I stayed on the phone with him the entire time he drove to my house, and was gradually sobering-up. It was 4 o’clock when he reached my house. We argued for atleast 5 minutes over who was driving, and eventually I got behind the wheel. We rode in silence at first, until we reached the park and stopped. Unfortunately, the talk wasn’t exactly what I was searching for. There were 2 other cars in the parking lot && a bunch of flashlights in the park. You best believe we got the fuck outta there. 5-10 minutes later we found a spot that seemed safe enough and stopped. I started the conversation. I love him, but I want him to have the best life possible, and I’m not sure if I’m a part of that…. He loves me too.. We’re honestly perfect for eachother, but I fucked up any chances of a normal relationship, so I was willing to face my consequences, especially if it insured Jarrad’s happiness. He became irritated with the [talking : sex] ratio. He repeatedly admitted he didn’t want to see me anymore and asked me to take myself home; even so much as turned the car on and shifted into reverse. But, I’m stubborn and I wanted to talk. After a long silence, he looked up at me, apologetically, and signaled for me to get on his lap. I was hesitant, but not really. I leaned over, sat on him and kissed him passionately. He did so likewise. Once more he asked me
“are you sure about this?”
of course I was.. this was our last night together, supposedly, so I wanted to give him whatever he wanted. I nodded, gave him another kiss, and buried my head into his shoulder and finally, shed a tear. I ‘m not ready for this relationship to be over, but it’s best for him…I should let him go, or else I’m just selfish. He pulled down my shirt, and
*without description for you*
we made love. Well, you’d probably rather say we fucked. To me, it was love, and it was to him too. But, being freshly dumped, I tried to hide my emotions with screams. which was a win-win anyway. In the end, the windows were fogged, we were soaked in sweat, tired as hell; and yet a sense of sorrow flooded me. Driving back we; got lost, he got out of the car, sped WAY too many times, were buddying around, and eventually ended up singing(poorly) along to Tech N9ne; so, hiding my extreme sorrow was a simple task. Pulling into my neighborhood, I stopped and turned the car off and he got into the drivers seat. Without a kiss good-bye or an ‘I love you” I headed towards my house, tears streaming down my face now that I was finally alone. It was my first time sneaking out of the house, and it was a major bust. Because it signified the end of the best 10-months of my life, and letting go of the guy I love, who I ‘m supposed to be with.
Hopefully he’ll find a quality girl eventually, or we’ll end up together when enough time has passed.
Tomorrow sounds like enough time.<3 But I’ll wait forever if he were to ask.
I love you Jarrad,
I hope you take the time to read this.<3
denverfan141191 